So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
