and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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