Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
