M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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