we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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