I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
