Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
