Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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