I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize