i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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