Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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