i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
