you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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