Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
