at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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