i was born a porn star she said
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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