I like my sex mixed with concussions.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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