If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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