All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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