Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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