Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
