They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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