I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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