Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
