I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
