Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
