would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize