i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
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