You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
