he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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