Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
