literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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