I hate your face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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