i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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