Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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