Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
