My cat gives me a boner
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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