the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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