i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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