it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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