Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
