do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
