She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
