so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
