i think my mom watched the whole time
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Randomize
