he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
