Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
