Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
