I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
