Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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