I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
