When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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