Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
