Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
