So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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