Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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