I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
