It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
