That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
