I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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