And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
