Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
