sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize