I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
