they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
