Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
