Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
