I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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