i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
