If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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