dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
