I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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