i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
