This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
