Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
