when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
too bad you live with your parents still
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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