They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
