For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
