I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
